Depression Sucks

Little did I know when I wrote my last post in February 2017 that I only had about 4 months of not being in horrible pain left. In May 2017, what I thought was a random bout of sciatica turned out to very much not to be.

The last 14 months have greatly sucked and every piece of motivation I could muster up went to just getting up and going to work. There's been no crafting, barely any reading, barely anything that looks like a life, actually. The pain in my back and leg has been unrelenting, making sitting just torture. I probably could have knit while laying down, but I honestly just didn't care.

My spine is covered ( just "impressive" says the neurosurgeon) in Tarlov Cysts. It took 3 lumbar epidurals that didn't work to get me to a neurosurgeon who, thankfully, had heard of Tarlov cysts. He ordered an SI joint injection (which pretty much made me come off the table - yowch) to determine that, basically, the cysts that cover my sacrum have eroded the SI joint, which is supposed to be immovable - the shock absorber of your body - and mine is moving. Walking is painful, sitting is painful, and at my worst, laying down was painful. Since my commute to work is about 45 minutes each way, work was all I could do. Which I had to do because I need the insurance to handle all of this shit.

Now I'm with a chiropractor/PT for 20 sessions (per insurance) to jump through hoops to get SI joint fusion surgery. I've had Ulcerative Colitis so bad I had to have a permanent Ileostomy. Hypothyroidism. Asthma. Basal Cell Carcinoma. Dislocated hip. And this, my friends, has been my worst period of health problems ever. Chronic pain, day in, day out. The depression that I had under control is completely out of control. Because I can't do the things I used to love to do anymore.

Work has dumped an amazing amount of new responsibilities on me and life has gotten so overwhelming that, well, I just need to write.

I know this is supposed to be a knitting, fun, blog. It will get back to that, I swear. But I have to dump my demons out somewhere. It might as well be into the void.

On a side note, I'm on staycation from work and I have gotten back to knitting a bit. Pumped full of Tylenol and with new Flector patches and ice packs, I can sit for longer than 20 minutes! :)